Breath of fresh air

Finally, fresh air to clear my mind and calm my anxiety. Time by the beach, even though it was not clean water or white sand, was something I desperately needed for my sanity. Watching my son play with his sister was a great joy. I was able to meditate and clear my mind. For some reason, being by a body of water soothes my soul. I felt all the negativity was taken away from me. Weird as that sounds, but I felt more calm and at ease. So much going on in my life and so much I have to deal with in my everyday life, that this welcoming calamity was just something that was needed.

I was able to meet up with my brother and his friend afterwards. I swear, I have not laugh so much or so hard in so long. I realize I haven’t been myself lately. Actually, I don’t think I have been myself in almost five years. I felt like a little kid again. Nothing negative was on my mind, no worries, no fears. I was just…simply…having fun. I miss this dearly. Being able to act like a child is something everyone needs to keep their sanity. It is being free from reality and just enjoying life.

I came home, and I felt high. I don’t do drugs but I am guessing this is how it would feel. I feel so hyped up and so energetic. I felt like I was walking on cloud nine. I was in such a good mood. I need a daily dosage of this type of drug to keep my anxiety away and keep me in spirits. Maybe I need a change of scenery….

Appreciation

When it comes to relationships, materialitics things may be nice to have but it shouldn't dictate that status of your love. A token for love seems to be what is neccessary to hold a relationship together. It is so common in relationship nowadays, what ever happen to appreciating each other and loving each other for who they are?

A diamond ring, a new PS3, and other material things shouldn't be a burden on one person. So what if you didn't get anything for you anniversary? It is all about spending time together and being with each other. Appreciate the love.

What holds a relationship together is honesty, trust, love, understanding, respect, and loyality. If one lacks any of these, the relationship will find it's potholes on the road. We should focus on these characteristics, instead of focusing what he or she is getting you.

If you want the item so much, get it yourself. Don't expect the other person to get it and be disappointed in that person. This continuous disappointment will cause a strain on the relationship.

In this materialistic world, we tend to forget to appreciate the little things. For example, you tend to unappreciate the fact the person calls you and wishes you a good morning. Small gestures like these show that that person is thinking of you. Do we overlook this? Yes, we do. We don't notice the small things and focus on other things that shouldn't matter.

We all should appreciate the small things and not worry about the materialistic things. We would be much happier.

beauty

We are so busy with our own lives, so consume with business
and among other things, that we don’t ever stop and appreciate natural, true,
beauty that surrounds us every day. It could be a simple music playing by
musicians on the street, a flower blooming in the sun next to some grey,
concrete sidewalk, or just the beautiful blue sky above our heads. Our lives
become so fast pace that we forget to slow down. We are so entrenched with our
personal stresses that we fail to learn how to breathe and be free.

What has our lives become? What did we do before I pads,
iPhones, cable television?

As a child, I would have gone outside and play in the sun
with my friends. We would walk around, roller-skate, and enjoy being outside
the house. Children today are either stuck on their Xbox, on cable television,
on their phones, etc.? What happen to playing tag outside? Or playing hide and
seek? Or playing the good old fashion dodge ball?

How many of us have been to the park? Just to get some fresh
air and be outside? I bet not a lot of people have.

We can’t fully appreciate life if we are too busy worrying
about the materialistic things. We need to stop for a moment, catch our breath,
and take enjoy the moment. It helps keeps us sane. Don’t take things for
granted. Slow down and enjoy life because one day, it will all be gone.

Family

I have learn a lot about myself during these past few years. I had to grow up, for I had responibility to care for my young son. Am I complaining about it? No. I wouldn’t give him up for anything in the world.

I have cut out partying and my crazy antics every since I had my son. My priority isn’t my social life. Yet, I see many people who leave their child at home alone, to party. They get upset if their parents refuse to watch their child. They are the ones who are always going out every night, getting fucked up. Really? You have a child who needs you at home and you rather party?

It takes two to tango. You and the other person made this child. You may not want it, but this is what happens if you aren’t careful. You have to take responsibility. If you didn’t want to have children, close your legs and keep your dick in your pants.

My son is my priority and he has taught me patience and the unconditional love that a mother has for her child.

It made me realize how terrible I was toward my mother. I never hit her, curse at her, nothing like Jenelle from Teen Mom. I should have been moreappreciatativetoward her and her struggles. I never realize how much she had to deal with, being a single mother to two children.

I learn that even though someone can be your blood, you can’t expect them to be loving. Take my older brother as an example. I love him, even though I haven’t seen him for more than ten years. He contacted me because of our half sister found me on Facebook. He asks me not to give my mother his number because he was not ready to talk to her. I did keep his request until my mother had to have surgery for her aneruysm in her brain. There was a chance she wouldn’t make it. I felt that if she was to die, she should at least hear her older son’s voice one last time.

Of course, he didn’t pick her phonecalls, respond to my messages explaining why I did it, and he even deleted me off of Facebook. Was I hurt? No. I was stunned that even after I told him his own blood mother was to have surgery and that there was a chance she won’t make it, he still wouldn’t want to talk to her.

My mother always had the same number every since we have moved to Houston, Texas. She did have my father’s number, but when she tried calling that number to talk to my older brother, it was disconnected.

I’m a bit sad that I see through my half sister’s facebook that my older brother has a new born. His stubborness wouldn’t even respond to my simple message of congratuating him.

I learn that even you can be related to blood, you can still be a cold hearted person with no love. Is he cold hearted? No, I wouldn’t exactly say that. I wish he would be more open minded to what was going on. Even if you haven’t spoken to someone for many years, you should start somewhere before it is too late.

I haven’t spoken to my father in years. I refuse so because he has my number and he can contact me. I am afraid, though, if I was to get in touch with him, it would not be pretty. Reason being, I know why my mother and him divorce. I simply can not respect a man who cheated on my mother, whom carried me and nurture me, and for him to try to take the only vehicle my pregnant mother (at the time, she was pregnant with me) has, so he can be with the other woman. I refuse to think how can my mother drive to the hospital, while in labor, and give birth without him.

Yes, I am a hypocrite. I should forgive my father and try to repair the relationship. Maybe I need to get over the fact that he never wanted me to be born? Only time can tell, but right now, I’m being the small person and refusing to talk to him. If he was to have surgery and there was a chance of him not making it, it would motivate me to talk to him. I know, that is a bit immoral of me to think that, but this is my negative feeling toward him. I can’t love someone who doesn’t love me. I can’t forgive someone who has caused excruciating and painful heartache to my dear mother.

I can’t forgive him. I can’t forgive the other woman either. I won’t name any names of the woman, even though I should because she knew he was married. I am completely happy with my mother. I love her.

Lesson of the day is: love your mother and appreciate her. Love your child and your child should be your priority.

marriage & motherhood